Distinguishing between a ‘good cause’ and a lost one.
If a woman in love were depicted in film, the genre would not be romantic/comedy; it would be action/adventure.
The star of that film wouldn’t be Bridget Jones in her Granny pants, no diet food journals or cigarette tallies. Instead she’d be a Superhero attempting to rescue every guy she falls in love with. Fighting to turn the bad boys good, giving hope to the hopeless romantics and sharing her cause with the rebels without one. A modern day boy-meets-girl storyline with ‘Transformers’ overtones, as the heroine attempts to reconfigure a suitable suitor, all the while assuring her friends and family that he is “more than meets the eye”.
When it comes to picking their partner, almost all women have X-Ray vision. Sure, he may be unemployed and overweight today, but any good woman will tell you that, under her guidance, he could be running a company- and a marathon- by next summer. Women rarely take men at face value; rather they see his “potential”.
Reality/ Potential Matrix
|He still lives at home.||He’s loyal and has a good relationship with his mother.
|He’s cheated on all of his Exes, including his current one to be with you.||He’s a romantic who just hasn’t met the right girl, until you.
|He’s an alcoholic.||He’s frustrated with life and just needs a little guidance so he can shine.
While men are often accused of being superficial and falling for women based on what they look like, women have the opposite problem; being unable to see what’s staring them in the face and instead going in search of the qualities we hope that he possesses. Women fall in love with what they don’t see.
If men look for women that are little more than chiseled ready-made statues, we women approach men as objects in a pottery class. Hoping that with a gentle touch, creative vision, pressure and just the right amount of lubrication, we can turn a lump of clay into a work of art.
The Four Stages of Transformation:
1) Physical: First she’d start with his wardrobe:
- a) Hero would come to his sartorial rescue, taking him under her Prada caped wing as she hits the mall with a vengeance. A take no prisoners, 50% off exercise akin to a military operation. She’d start him off with the perfect pair of faded jeans, select the ultimate deep V t-shirt, the boots that that say both rogue and gentleman.
- b) Stage 2 grooming would escalate from the S.S.S (shower, shave and you know what) to full blown ‘manscaping’ sessions. Eyebrows trimmed, even plucked and other unspeakable acts of hair removal would ensue. Ever heard of the Sunga?! (CLUE: it’s Brazilian for budgie smugglers)
2) Bad habits would be vanquished: cigarettes, once sexy, would now draw death stares. Teeth brushing would be enforced at night. Beer would be replaced with bottled water and his fridge would sprout living food stuffs for the very first time, broccoli, lean cuisines and strawberries that are disappointingly tasteless, but looked good in the supermarket.
3) Friends and associates would be edited into good and bad influences, as a new cast of characters (including her brother) would be thrust upon him. Looking amongst the ranks for traitors, frenemies and anyone who will threaten this rescue mission, including his poker player of a best buddy and anyone else that has used the words “boys’ night”.
4) His career would get a turbo blast. Having spotted his potential with her x-ray vision, she would wine and dine, charm and chit chat her way into the hearts of his boss and colleagues determined to help secure him the corner office.
At the end of this transformation, the woman would realise that no matter how much of a superhero she is, she simply has a souped up version of the original man. Because while you can change a man’s clothes, you cannot change a man’s character!
So here is the list of things that can and cannot be fixed:
Loves a beer with ‘the boyz’
Bad Fashion Judgement