In search for the your perfect fit.
The other day, I found myself in deep conversation with my uber driver. You know, one of those utterly candid chats you reserve for perfect strangers. By the third red light, the subject had switched from the weather to a far gloomier topic, his love life. He confessed that, at 53, he’d never married. And, he was quick to add, it wasn’t because he was “batting for the other team” or because of a deep fear of committing to putting the toilet seat down for a lifetime. Instead, this charming and articulate man claimed, simply to have never met the right girl. His voice was matter of fact, but I saw regret wash across his still handsome face in the rear view mirror. Could this be true? Was it really possible to live nearly five and a half decades and never meet their match?
As little girls, we grow up being told that every pot has its lid. We’re conditioned to believe that if we make something of ourselves, get a good job, keep a neat apartment, put on enough lip gloss and drag ourselves to enough lousy parties that eventually we’ll stumble across the man of our dreams; a guy who will rescue us from a life of frozen microwave dinners, Sex In The City reruns and 3am bedtimes. But somewhere between LAX airport and my house, my driver had made me question this whole fairytale notion. Perhaps it really was possible to live our whole life looking for love and still have it elude us.
If numbers are anything to go by, there was cause for alarm. According to the Bureau of Statistics, the proportion of single person households is more than double what it was when our parents were growing up, with 60 percent of those single people having never married. Yikes, I thought, that was a lot of Lean Cuisines!
My friend, Lara, felt she too might become part of those statistics. Days before her four year anniversary her boyfriend broke up with her, sighting, that while he loved her, he wasn’t “in love with her”. Barf. Of couse she was devastated, she had told me n numerous occasions that he was “the one” and on paper they certainly seemed like the perfect match; working at the same law firm, her parents adored him and she as and I was practically best friends with his sisters. Sure we rallied around her fulfilling every girlfriends duties insisting that there was someone better waiting for her, but for months she remained depressingly unconvinced. She was days away from buying a cat and retiring her G-string for good when she met Rob, a dashing chef, who had relocated to Los Angeles from South Dakota. Twelve months later and Lara is not only a married woman, but a changed one. Sure her idea of cooking involved a take out menu and a phone but she’s never been happier – or eaten better in her life.
Ah-ha, so maybe every pot did in fact have it’s lid, it’s just they didn’t come in a matching set….you had to hunt through your Tupperware cupboard frustratingly trying them on for size before finding the perfect fit.
Before I got out of the taxi, I asked my driver, could it be possible that he had overlooked the right girl? “Yes”, he said. “I think I was so busy thinking that the women I ended up with had to be perfect, that I let a couple of wonderful girlfriends slip through my fingers. Girls who could have made me happy”.
Then it hit me, not only did every pot have a lid- it probably had numerous options. Only, you cannot judge a lid by appearances. Perhaps the lid that will keep your water boiling for a lifetime has bigger love handles than you imagined, or isn’t the brand or shape you thought you wanted. Perhaps you spend your whole life looking for a stainless steel lid, when in fact you’d be happier with a glass one. Perhaps you’re too busy looking for a lid made in the same factory as were, that you overlook the one that’s perfect (but just happens to be made in South Dakota ).
So the next time you meet a guy who makes you bubble over with excitement, don’t worry if he’s not the exact brand and model you thought you wanted. Just pay attention to if he’s the right fit, for you. After all true love happens when you find everything you never knew you always wanted.
Photo: Maria Tornberg